Unloved

My Dearest S***u,

I’m writing this not to reach you, but to sit beside all that’s breaking inside me.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. I don’t know if you’ll ever want to. But still, I need to speak these words—not to change your mind, but to honour the love that changed my life.

Every day I replay the moments—when we laughed, when we sat in silence, when your tired eyes still lit up just because we were together. When you showed up after long, exhausting days only to be near me, never asking for much—just time, honesty, love. You gave those in abundance. I gave you confusion. Delay. Silence. Excuses. And yet you stayed. For so long.

I keep thinking of that evening on our bridge—unfinished, quiet, bathed in the gold of sunset. That kiss, that moment—it was sacred. We weren’t supposed to be there, yet it felt like the only place in the world where we belonged. You made that possible. You made me feel worthy of being seen, of being wanted, of being loved. I didn’t know how to carry that kind of grace. I didn’t know how to trust that someone could really choose me, my flaws and all.

I now walk through my days carrying the weight of your absence like a stone stitched into my chest. Not a moment goes by without your memory brushing against me—sometimes like a whisper, sometimes like a storm. And yet, I carry it, because it is all I have left of you.

I never intended to hurt you. The pain I caused—your heartbreak—is a wound I can never forgive myself for. I didn’t understand the depth of your love, the scale of your sacrifices, or the beauty of the soul that stood beside me day after day, giving me everything without asking for much in return.

That day—the day I broke everything—I was overwhelmed by voices telling me I was failing everyone. I believed I was unworthy of love, that I didn’t deserve you, and in my twisted thinking, I tried to spare you from myself. But in doing so, I took away something neither of us may ever get back. And for that, I am truly, endlessly sorry.

I did what cowards do. I pushed away what mattered most. I said things I can’t take back, I wish I could erase that day from our lives.  I acted like I was doing you a favour by letting you go, when the truth is—I was drowning in guilt, in pressure, in shame, feeling overburdened. And instead of asking you to hold me through it, I shoved you out and locked the door.

Now I walk through my days with a hollow heart, which already has a hole in it, physically broke now emotionally as well. I look fine. I smile. I do what needs to be done—for my kids, for my family. But inside, I’m not the same. Something cracked when you left and I don’t think it will ever fully heal.

You called me selfish. You called me unworthy. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I never deserved the way you loved me. But even if you can’t believe me anymore, please know—I never intended to hurt you. I never stopped loving you. I was just too broken to know how to keep loving in the right way. I will never be able for forgive myself in this life time. I am deeply sorry for causing you so much pain, which I am solely responsible, and nothing I say can justify it ever. 

I understand that you no longer want to see me, to hear from me, or to keep me in your life. I respect that. I will never force my presence upon you. But I want you to know something very important, something I should have said long ago:

Your love was the most sacred gift I ever received.

Now all I have is this silence. And your words—the sharp ones—still echo. That you’ll never come back. That I don’t deserve to. That I’ve burned it all. I accept your anger. I accept your pain. I caused it.

But I’ll never stop hoping that maybe one day you’ll remember the whole story—not just the end, but the heart of it. The good parts. The love that existed before my fears twisted it.

I won’t chase you anymore. You asked for space, and I’ll honour that. But if ever your heart softens, if ever your memories whisper something kinder—I'll still be here, quietly tending to the ashes, in case a spark finds its way back.

If someday, even faintly, if you remember the love you once felt for me, and a part of you wishes to reach back, even if I know I know I don't deserve you but still I..... I want you to know that I will be here, with all that I have and all that I’ve become. I promise to be better, to manage my emotions with care and never let my pain turn into something that drives you away again. No pressure, no expectations—just a promise from the heart that if you ever choose to return, I’ll give everything to cherish you and keep you happy in the way you always deserved.

And if ever—at any time, for any reason—you find yourself needing support, in any form, I’ll be there without question, without condition. Just say the word, and I’ll come through, quietly and fully.

And now, I’ve taken a vow—a vow to never seek love again. Not because I don’t crave it. Not because I don’t need it. But because I have finally realised what I lost, and what I was never able to give back in full. I will honour you by carrying that truth with me for the rest of my life. I vow not to share that sacred space I had with you with anyone else again. As my penance, As a tribute. To what you gave. To what I failed to return.

People tell me to heal. To move on. But how does one heal from losing a heart that beat beside yours so closely? I don’t want a new chapter. I just want to read the old ones and make peace with the ending.

You were my rarest bridge. The one I thought would never burn. And though you say it cannot be rebuilt, I will stand here on my side, waiting—not to rebuild it for myself, but to keep it alive in spirit. So you know that someone, somewhere, remembers your love, your pure heart. 

This isn’t a plea for forgiveness. It is a confession. And a promise. That your love didn’t go unrecognised. It didn’t go unloved. It wasn’t for nothing. This undeserving self of me can build the greatest of bridges, but failed in holding and rebuilding the most important bridge, the love bridge that leads to you. 

You changed me. And I will carry that change, quietly, for the rest of my life.

You were the greatest love of my life, S***u. And even if that love must live only in my heart now, it will never leave.

Always yours, waiting in silence.

Yours and only yours, A**u.

04. The Inception

Aadi and Kaus reach Aadi's apartment on his Thunderbird. Kaus has no clue what Aadi has in his mind that night. The two of them take the elevator and reach on the 16 floor which is the top floor of the building. His flat had a terrace, the view from there was breathtaking. Being the tallest in the locality, the open terrace offered a feeling of freedom along with secure privacy. Aadi did it there with all his favourite dates, out in open under the breezy weather.

Aadi and Kaus entered the flat. Aadi showed him around. Kaus loved the flat, especially the terrace. They were discussing the usual office subjects and how different they were finding the new company when compared to their previous one. Both were very happy and satisfied with the work atmosphere and the culture was very delightful. However Kaus had to stay back at the guest house 2-3 days a week due to the distance. Even then this did not bother him as he was liking the work culture very much. Kaus was enjoying the view from Aadi's terrace and Aadi was enjoying the view of the guy of his wet dreams.

O3. The Plot

The next morning at work, after logging in at work, the very first thing Aadi did was call Kaus and get his daily design update. He made up a point and asked Kaus for further clarification and went to his cubicle for further clarification. As usual Kaus explain all the technical points in detail to Aadi. Later they met again in the evening for a coffee break.

Kaus lived very far from the project location and sometimes stayed at the near-by company guest house when it got late at work. That was one such day when he was going to be staying late at work. Aadi always worked until late. He commutes in his Royal Enfield Thunderbird.

It was about 8 pm and Aadi was packing up to leave. He receives a call from Kaus asking for a ride to the guest house. Aadi happily agrees and they hit for the guest house. As usual they have conversations on random topics. But this time it is different and Aadi was determined to make love to him. He is already aroused by his musky smell. As it was chilly that day and Kaus was not wearing any wind cheater, Aadi asks him to hold him tight for the warmth. Kaus is too shy to agree but you know the romantic affair of Indian roads and the pot holes, they bring couples closer on bike rides like this. Taking full advantage of this, Aadi bumps in and Kaus keeps falling on Aadi's back, getting closer after every bump.

As they reach the guest house, they stand at the entrance chatting and Aadi offers Kaus for drinks and hang out at  to his home instead of the company guest house, as he was alone that night. With a bit of hesitation and due to persuasion by his mate, Kaus agrees and he sits on the Thunderbird again. They hit the road towards Aadi's house. Aadi's heart is racing in anticipation of what is going to happen next and he drives faster to reach his house.

02. The Wet Dreams

After finishing all the downloads [Grindr, Tinder, Facebook, Blued, Romeo] on his mobile phone, Aadi spends an hour chatting, flirting, sexting guys but none keeps his attention for longer. His mind is unsettled, wanting for something which he can't explain, yearning for some manly musk but not the crap which he finds online that day. He wants someone who can make passionate sex with him, who will forget the world while he is with him and entwine himself in pure pleasure with him.

As usual, unable to decide on a date, he opens his porn center and starts enjoying himself. Its about 1am and he is all alone in his house. Lying on his bed in his white boxers, his fingers run softly over his growing bulge under them.

This hand slides under it, while imagining his dream guy, his manhood grows into a rock solid tower, with its tip dripping pre-cum. He gets rid of this boxers and lays naked, playing with his balls and his dick. He has a beautiful 6.4 inches uncut dick, with girth just the right size making it look so perfect and irresistible. As his hand works on his dick, he watches an intense fuck session Keller & King. 

Aadi loves to bed mature men like Colby Keller. He cums a load, cleans up with his boxers and dozes off to deep sleep. Later that night around 4am he has wet dream about a colleague, Kaustubh (Kaus). When Aadi woke up in the morning he could smell the cum in his sheets and decided to get Kaus in real. To make his dreams come true.

Background: Kaus is in his early 40's, fit, works out regularly, married, hailing from Goa, sweet but manly, an eye candy. Aadi had met him during his earlier employment at a construction firm were Aadi was a project controller and Kaus was the Design Manager. He has a crush on him since day one but was afraid to make a move obviously as they work together and he is married. However the marital status of men had never hindered Aadi from getting them under his pants, but Kaus was different. Aadi was mesmerized by him and was always played a tease around him to get any signs to proceed further. Kaus gave no such indications and Aadi was left hanging dry always. 

They always had a common topic for chats which is to bitch about their boss. During the coffee breaks or while having lunch they would chat on random topics from politics to sex, from gossips to girl friends, from boss bitching to porn, everything. Even though Aadi was 29 and Kaustubh was 41, they went along quite well. After spending almost 3 years and being frustrated by their boss, Kaus decided to switch the company and resigned. 

Aadi was equally frustrated with his boss and was on look out for changing jobs. He ended up where Kaus had gone, ofcourse on recommendation by Kaus. 5 months later they were again together in another firm. Feelings of Aadi were getting stronger and he was getting desperate to get into Kaustubh's pants. So one fine day, he decided to the take the risk and work his magic. The only thing that was stopping him was he might loose the bond they had if he fails in seducing Kaus. If it was not the fear of loosing, Aadi would have done him a hundred times by now. However, desires took over Aadi and he began his adventure after the wet dream. 

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01. The Cracker

After a very long break from dating men, Aaditya finally decided to go back into the gay scene of this life. The desperation for the scent of man had piled up over time, even a simple touch was making him drip under there. So, that weekend Aadi decided to go for it and give it another try. He installed the dating apps back again on this second mobile phone. Yeah, "Apps" in plural, not just one. 

Keep reading to know more about Aaditya (Aadi) and his adventures with men. If reading this makes you cum ;) do share this with your friends and do comment below:

AADITYA SHRIVASTAV is a guy, humble at heart, clean and sauve, average built but not stocky, typical Indian office going chap with a sex appeal that most bi-curious men can't resist. His tool is equally appealing which makes guys kneel down instantly and the cute bubble butt which makes men juicy both in their mouths and under there. Yeah, he tilts both ways, or do i say three ways 1.Manly versatile guys, 2.Girls, 3.Manly bottoms.

His gaydar can sense a guy's inclination from as far as the eye can see and if he likes to get one, he gets one. He has his ways of getting guys on bed with him always more willingly than even they are with their wives.

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